These deadly weapons are ridiculously easy to buy. Almost anyone can get a permit to use one. And 40,000 Americans are killed by them each year, with hundreds of thousands injured. I'm talking, of course, about automobiles.

Now, I know that most of you drivers are careful and conscientious about where you aim your weapons. But I'm sure you see that just the proliferation of these dangerous tools makes everybody less secure. So, effective immediately, no citizen may operate a motor vehicle weighing more than 500 pounds GVW, and all gas tanks must be modified to hold no more than 500ml, roughly a pint, of gasoline or diesel. This still allows some motorcycles and experimental vehicles, so nobody should feel terribly inconvenienced. After all, we have a right to feel safe and secure, don't we? Thank you all very much for understanding.

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last updated 2012-09-26 03:05:17. served from tektonic.jcomeau.com